tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2235139326550895452023-11-15T08:33:56.417-08:00Journey to Centermoving towards awareness and healingAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-60444739698577210592013-11-07T10:06:00.000-08:002013-11-07T10:06:24.283-08:00Making TimeSo, I had gotten away from my daily meditation after starting a new job by telling myself that I just didn't have the time and energy to do this. Then, last week, my car died. Suddenly, I was back to taking the bus and killing 2 1/2 hours of my day riding on or waiting for buses. So I got out my ipod, loaded up my favorite meditation tracks, and listened as I rode to work. I found that my headphones drowned out the world enough that I could settle back into my seat and on one leg of my trip had enough time in the bus to listen to my favorite meditation track. I also found that almost immediately the things that were beginning to wear on me no longer seemed to have the same impact, for I felt more centered and able to focus my energy on the places that it needed to go. I felt less drained. I don't get crap for sleep these days which needs to change, but I feel more able to deal with the sleep deprivation because I feel more centered.<br />
I must make this happen daily. No matter what, in the morning I need to take that 30-45 minutes to get balanced for the day. There's a significant enough difference between when I do it and when I skip it that it obviously just needs to happen. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-68478551213595128272013-10-30T13:12:00.001-07:002013-10-30T13:12:59.021-07:00GoodnessIt's been a long time. My new job has kept me crazy busy, but as sleep becomes challenging, it's time to break out the meditation for another round! <div>I hope all have been enjoying life's little challenges and that all have fared well over the past couple of months.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-74031499284853044722013-08-29T21:38:00.003-07:002013-08-29T21:38:54.244-07:00Meditations 31 & 32Meh, meditations haven't been very fruitful this week. I think I need to go back to the podcasts for some quick meditations. Been all tied up with work and have had so much swirling around in my head, that it's hard to focus and cram everything into the box of "leave behind so you can focus on your breathing"<br />
<br />
Alrighty, just wanted to do a quick update before I went and crashed for the night!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-32169726012503386012013-08-28T05:54:00.000-07:002013-08-28T05:54:09.401-07:00Meditations 28, 29, & 30it's been sporadic this week. New job, so training has left me feeling exhausted and I've not had enough time in the morning to do this. I went to bed super early last night and attempted twice, but that didn't work out so well. Did one for "sweet dreams" but I ended up sleeping poorly and having nightmares. I snapped out of the meditation about halfway through and never could quite get it back.<br />
I guess I will try again tonight after work.<br />
Actually, the last 3 I've had trouble with. Can't quiet the mind, can't settle the body down. Might have to try the super deep relaxation again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-49525171875283344372013-08-24T22:43:00.003-07:002013-08-24T22:43:59.738-07:00Meditation 27<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cs"><span class="hps">Můj mozek</span> <span class="hps">bolí!</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cs"><span class="hps">I tried and failed to meditate this morning. I must have gone through 3 or 4 different recordings, but I was so distracted by the crap I need to get done this weekend, that I could not settle my mind down enough to focus. One was super promising, but then cut off right in the middle. GRR. </span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cs"><span class="hps">I've been studying all day for a test I have on Monday, so late posting and then I may try one more time for the late night meditation before I zonk and start over tomorrow.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cs"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cs"><span class="hps">Dobrou noc!</span></span> </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-6979443116461308052013-08-23T18:14:00.001-07:002013-08-23T18:15:47.716-07:00Meditation 26So today I stumbled across a "communicate with your pet" meditation. I was unable to resist. <div>I promptly fell asleep, woke up when they said something about awakening and my cat (who had been sleeping) was sitting and staring at me. Much laughter followed.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-70709091540827864742013-08-22T15:10:00.001-07:002013-08-23T18:15:30.407-07:00Meditation 25I thought I had stumbled upon some glorious meditation podcasts. I used them for weeks, slowly making progress. Little steps forward, and little steps back. Then today, I did one by <a href="http://www.monroeinstitute.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Monroe Institute</a>. It was like I've been blind all this time, and now I see. I was given some of their stuff about a year ago. I'd put some of it on over my speakers at bedtime, to aid me with sleep, but it never did anything. Once I used it on the train in an attempt to help me relax around the huge crowd of people that always left me anxious. That time I had almost missed my stop because I thought I'd fallen asleep. This was not falling asleep.<br>
Holy cow!<br>
So, I started off being amused because it made me think of The Twilight Zone. This guy was narrating, the sounds in my ears were unusual... sometimes almost alien like. I followed the instructions, putting the stuff that has been on my mind into a big box in my head and walking away from it. I never once thought about that stuff, mostly I would hear this sound in one ear that made me think of when my mom used to rub my head and I would fall asleep. He would talk, but it wasn't the kind of thing that would snap me out of whatever state I'd managed to get myself into. It was far away, and not distracting. He said at one point that when he got to 20 I'd be asleep. It was like I was there, but I had no control over my body. By the time he got to 20, my head had completely fallen to the side (I was sitting back in a recliner) and then in the reverse he said when he got to 1 I'd be awake... when he got to 10 my head seemed to snap back up to center and drifted a bit to the right, like I was waking up and dozing off, at 5 it went to center, and at 1 my eyes opened just before he said open your eyes and somewhere around 7 or 6 I began to laugh, like uncontrollable laughter, by 1 I had happy tears streaming down my face and I was cracking up, and then after 1... it just stopped.<br>
Weirdest. Experience. Ever.<br>
But I'm totally down for anything these guys put out. I actually feel SO much better. Better than I have in.. I don't know, since I can't remember when. I think it totally hypnotized me, and that's not an easy thing to do. I've seen multiple people to be hypnotized and they've never been able to do it.<br>
I'm no longer laughing like a loon, but I still feel a little bit like I'm floating in the ether, still giddy, and my entire body is tingling.<br>
That was completely insane. I can't wait to try out their other stuff. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-59369432737575130552013-08-21T10:53:00.000-07:002013-08-23T18:15:14.195-07:00Meditation Sessions 23 & 24For the last few sessions I've been using a podcast from <a href="http://www.themeditationpodcast.com/" target="_blank">TheMeditationPodcast.com</a><br>
It's worked out pretty well so far. I find the animal sounds to be a wee bit distracting, but this is the first one with the tones that made me zonk pretty hard.<br>
Today I couldn't get my brain to shut up long enough to really zone out, but that's ok. I have a gazillion things I need to sort out over the next few days so I'm not really surprised.<br>
Just sticking to the routine and making sure I get it in daily, because I can tell if I haven't.<br>
I don't know why I never did this before, but I'm glad I've started!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-72222323208849706082013-08-18T22:54:00.005-07:002013-08-23T18:14:59.208-07:00Meditation Sessions 20, 21, and 22No repeat of weirdness, though I never got past the noise stage again and into the silence stage. Going to dig for some more focused points of interest for meditation to experiment with throughout this week. I've seen a lot of interesting things about the <a href="http://www.monroeinstitute.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Monroe Institute</a>. They use the same technology as the recent meditation I've been listening to and the same stuff as my sleep music uses. They hide tones in the music to send signals to the brain to trigger things in the brain in order to help you relax and to sleep longer and deeply. The cd worked for me for years, but in my apartment, with a fan blowing all the time, I don't think the tones are as effective. I know it all works better through headphones. Someone I know had given me a sample of the Monroe Institute to listen to on public transit back when I first started taking the bus and train to work, as a means to help soothe me from the distress I suffered from the crowds riding during rush hour. I remember almost missing my stop because it had put me to sleep. Oops. So it was a short lived experiment. I might have to see if I can dig up that cd and give it a try under the more controlled conditions of "meditation time".<br>
I am still noticing a marked difference between when I meditate twice a day vs once per day. I sleep better if I've had my evening meditation and morning helps me with everyday annoyances. I get far less tweaked by the rudeness of others or by everyday stressful situations... and I don't hate traffic like I used to. I just go with the flow now and I'll get to my destination whenever it is that I get there.<br>
Definite improvements to daily life. Though extremely stressful situations require further exploration (hence the digging into more situation specific guided meditations)<br>
For those interested:<br>
The sleep CD was <a href="http://www.amazon.com/zMusic-The-sound-way-sleep/dp/B000CPGYA8/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1376891898&sr=8-9&keywords=Z+music+-+sleep" target="_blank">this</a> one that I got from amazon several years ago. I love that CD! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-5547559040671735942013-08-16T07:46:00.001-07:002013-08-23T18:14:40.086-07:00Meditations 18 & 19I had a weird moment in meditation today. Well, 2 of them. Usually when I meditate, I get to a point where my thoughts become this sort of roar of the crowd that you'd hear in a stadium. Just a bunch of noise, with individual stuff popping out now and then. Well today it just all sort of stopped, and then around the same time I realized that I wasn't breathing and I really needed to breathe. It happened twice and it kind of freaked me out. After doing some googling, it would seem that this is a normal part of the process, but then again there were also people who were saying things like "have a paramedic standing by while you meditate, I do." which yeah. Har har. So I have no idea.<br>
I will have to look into this further and explore. I did a double meditation this morning in an attempt to settle my mind after little sleep and nightmares. A friend suggested that I may have just fallen asleep, which is entirely possible, but I didn't have that feeling of just waking up like I normally do nor that sudden jerk upright when you nod off. This was something I had not experienced before. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-33003741763206933112013-08-15T09:15:00.002-07:002013-08-15T09:20:06.928-07:00Meditation Sessions 15, 16, & 17Seems like this number should be higher. I've only missed a couple of times.. I'll have to peek at when I started the challenge. <br />
After some conversations with my significant other, I think I'm going to do some meditation exploring today for my evening session. I'll have to dig around to see if I can find what I'm looking for. It sounds like I'm getting close to the point where everything goes blank. For now, while I can't shut my brain off, I can at least get it to the point where everything is a dull roar. So when I get about half way or 3/4 of the way through, the specific thoughts all sort of start to blend together to just being a lot of background noise. I can't stay in that mode for too long as individual thoughts start jumping out and then I have to start over again, but I can get to just general noise. It really is just like noise. It's so strange. It's like a stadium filled with people all talking at once, and you can't really make out anything that anyone is saying for the most part, but randomly a bit of conversation will jump out and you can hear it... and eventually it falls back into the general roar of the crowd. That's the best way I can think of to describe it. I used to think that I didn't have a whole lot going on in my head, but a few weeks of this and I now know otherwise. I can't ever shut it off.<br />
<br />
Checking back, it's been 3 weeks (as of tomorrow) I've missed 3 to hit my once a day goal. I know I've missed at least 3 days.. I'm guessing it was more like 4 or 5 days since I managed twice a day for a bit.<br />
I had a weekend that I didn't do it, and noticed the lack of meditation immediately in my mood and the grumpy directions that thoughts wandered into. It's also harder to meditate when my kids are visiting. I'm finding I have to do it either really early or really late, and then I tend to doze off. I have a new work schedule starting soon and with school starting for the kids, it's going to take a little more planning to get it into my day, but well worth the effort. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-30890084959554822962013-08-13T15:45:00.003-07:002013-08-13T15:45:57.561-07:00Meditation 14Oh boy, I can certainly tell when I miss meditation now. Such a small thing makes such a huge difference in the day. Concentration is improved, overall mood is improved, and just everything goes more smoothly when I get that morning meditation in. Today, I was running late.. so no meditation, and now my day is just draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagging and everyone is annoying me. Hee Hee. So no more rushing in the mornings. I need to get that in!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-58542826493660292802013-08-08T16:44:00.001-07:002013-08-08T16:44:14.775-07:00Meditations 11, 12, & 13It's been a little busy recently. I'm happy to report that I've been keeping up with my meditations. I did miss one day when I wasn't feeling well, but it makes such a difference in my day that I don't like to miss it. I see big changes all around when I keep it up. Now I need to explore some of the other facets of interest.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-59171295803316116042013-08-02T09:37:00.002-07:002013-08-02T09:37:37.957-07:00Meditation - Sessions 8, 9, &10In standard fashion, I'm bored with listening to the same one over and over. So I did another by Meditation Oasis that was specifically music for session #10. <br />
I'm managed at least one session per day this week. Things have been rather hectic, so I've been having to make time for it. I might start looking for situation specific guided meditations to help combat some of the things that I struggle with from time to time. The one I did yesterday morning, helped me get completely centered for the day. I really kept my focus all day in spite of a lack of sleep the night before. I felt calm and ready for anything. We shall see how this morning's meditation helped out.<br />
The deep rest one I did for #9 was not so helpful. I struggled to keep my thoughts from wandering all over the place, and from being able to achieve any sort of meditative state. That's what is prompting me to seek out situation oriented guided meditations. I want to see if they can be useful for future stress relieving sessions.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-82530449717916183132013-07-30T12:56:00.001-07:002013-07-30T12:58:00.741-07:00Greetings and Salutations!<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps">Greetings and salutations to my American and Canadian friends!</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps">Привет</span> <span class="hps">мои русские друзья!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="de"><span class="hps">Hallo an</span> <span class="hps">meine deutschen Freunde</span></span></span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="de"><span class="hps">!</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="de"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sr"><span class="hps">Поздрав</span> <span class="hps">мојим</span> <span class="hps">српским</span> <span class="hps">пријатељима</span><span class="">!</span></span> </span></span></span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="de"><span class="hps"> </span></span> </span></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-32513502296355592462013-07-30T12:31:00.001-07:002013-07-30T12:31:31.797-07:00Meditation - Sessions 6 & 7My night and morning sessions were a little rough. I had some back spasms and had difficulty getting comfortable for either session. Looks like I need to have another go with the inversion table this week. Distraction seems to have followed me throughout my day, but I think some incense and closing my eyes for a moment between calls ought to help. I am seeing how not having that quiet moment in the morning is throwing me a little off kilter. I might have to look for alternatives to positions when my back is being angry.<br />
<br />
I did manage to give it a go both last night and this morning, in spite of my discomfort.<br />
<br />
Interestingly enough, after dealing with a couple of days of pain due to the cold, wet weather. I've noticed today that the pain is gone. So as soon as it dried up, it was fixed. That is much better than it used to be. It used to take days or weeks to recover from a flare up. I have tested the hands much to see if the pain is gone there, but the knees are back to being good. Just jogged up the stairs of the building with no issues. YAY!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-80225425342706598192013-07-29T08:51:00.000-07:002013-07-29T08:51:37.851-07:00Supplements - TurmericI have Lupus and have been plagued with a variety of symptoms for an indeterminate number of years. <br />
I was first introduced to turmeric by my boyfriend a few months ago. He had suggested it after an episode of pain during a cold, wet spring which left me with difficulty walking, sitting, standing, and well pretty much anything. I couldn't take the osteo-biflex that he takes as it contains shellfish and I have a sensitivity to shellfish, and he'd been trying to figure out what would work for me. I don't normally buy into the natural healing remedies. I'm a bit skeptical at all of these magical cures, but I did some research and stumbled across this article from <a href="http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1910028,00.html" target="_blank">Time </a>magazine. I took some home, but ended up becoming ill shortly after and never got around to trying it out. Then the last weekend of May, he went out of town and I saw the turmeric while doing laundry at his place. I decided to just give it a shot, because going up and down the stairs of my apartment always hurt. I figured "why not" and just started taking a single 400mg pill per day. About 5 weeks later, I carried a boat load of groceries up the 3 flights of stairs and suddenly realized that the only reason I stopped was because I was out of breath. I hadn't been stopping every few steps or trying to power up just to get it over with because of the pain. I had no pain. I couldn't remember the last time I had no pain.<br />
I was very excited to tell him about it the next time I saw him. We were discussing how even the sciatic pain in my back was gone, and that my hair seemed thicker on top of my head. I didn't have crazy bedhead when I woke up, because my hair wasn't so thin and easily tangled at the roots. At some point I went into the bathroom and was washing my hands, looked up into the mirror, was trying to remember when I put makeup on that day because I didn't think I had, but my face wasn't red. Then it hit me. My lupus rash was gone. The lupus rash that made me look like I had a sunburned face for as long as I could remember, was gone. My skin was normal skin colored and I had no makeup on. OH MY GOD MY LUPUS RASH IS GONE. That pretty much sold me. Whatever inflammatory stuff that has been going on in my body for as long as I can remember has calmed down enough that I no longer have pain, my hair is growing back, and my rash is gone.<br />
I'm sold. I've had some recurring pain issues over the past couple days while the weather has been cool and wet, but it's minimal considering that I used to be in pain constantly, and it's only in my hands whereas before it would be everything that hurt. I had a touch of the sciatic pain the other night, but I think I also got some relief from hanging upside down on an inversion table.<br />
Another article on turmeric <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-weil-md/turmeric-health-have-a-happy-new-year_b_798328.html" target="_blank">here</a><br />
Get a great deal on all supplements <a href="http://www.puritan.com/turmeric-510?scid=6831&cmp=goo-_-HerbTurmeric-_-turmeric&atrkid=V1ADWB4C4C3AF-797210761-k-turmeric-29531383831-e-g-m-1t1&gclid=CJ-086mG1bgCFdFDMgodB08A7g" target="_blank">here</a> (buy 1 get 2 free is the current deal they have)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-1172157926273404422013-07-29T08:18:00.004-07:002013-07-29T08:19:09.821-07:00Meditation - Session 5This is definitely a good thing. I have a sense of clarity and a sense of peace that I've been lacking. I've been skipping the nighttime sessions, but I think I need to include them. I definitely feel more ready to tackle my day once I take that 25 mins to get settled first. I feel better prepared to get all of my tasks accomplished before work, leaving my evenings free to unwind. Of course, this is why I've skipped the past 2 nights... didn't want to cut into book time. I think I need to try and see if it makes more of a difference.<br />
Easiest habit ever to keep<br />
:)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-17134389124421813442013-07-28T09:24:00.000-07:002013-07-28T09:44:15.126-07:00Meditation - Session 4Should be sessions 4 and 5, but I fell asleep before I could meditate. To me that's A-OK. So bright and early at 6am, I was up and at em and started off with meditation session #4.<br />
I notice her voice less now, my body is less twitchy and I've found that if some portion of me becomes uncomfortable, I can shift without really having to start all over. I'm definitely feeling a little more relaxed as I encounter stresses throughout the day. I don't think it will be difficult to keep this up at least once per day. At night, I pretty much end up falling asleep while doing it anyway.<br />
My sleep seems to be more restful, and I feel more rested when I get up. I actually have my ipod and headphones on the bed, so I don't even get out of bed to start off the meditation of the day. My mattress is comfier than the hard floor. Overall, it definitely gets me mentally prepared to start my day.<br />
Other things I've noticed. Things that normally stress me out, no longer do. That could be partially to do with the fact that I've become aware of these stressors at about the same time as I decided I needed to make a few more changes and have been more mindful of myself when I knew they were impacting me. I will say though, that things have been much more manageable in just a couple of days. Obviously the greater impact will be best measured over time. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-79036682251518118702013-07-27T08:51:00.001-07:002013-07-28T09:41:51.109-07:00Meditation - Sessions 2 and 3Holy cannoli! I've already meditated 3 times! Is is meditation if you fall asleep while doing it?<br />
My nighttime meditation last night and my morning meditation today I zonked out. Is that normal? Do I get the ultimate meditation superstar badge or does it just mean that I was super tired?<br />
LOL<br />
Ah, I'm going to have to do some research to sort through this. I'm trying to decide which other things I'm going to do in an attempt to alter my reactions to some things.<br />
Well, I have day 1 down successfully. 65 more days for meditation to become a habit.<br />
<br />
Things I noticed? Meditation makes me sleepy.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-12092372509135719582013-07-26T09:04:00.000-07:002013-07-26T09:04:33.416-07:00Meditation - Session 1So, I have decided to start with meditation. That thing that everyone is always telling me to do and I say I'm going to do and then I never do it. Sometimes I'll start to do it and my brain starts firing off so many random things that I just give up, take the headphones off, and go do something else.<br />
So for once I am going to give it a solid try.<br />
<br />
Last night, I downloaded a podcast. Now, I don't normally do podcasts as I have the attention span of... what's that?! OOH! SHINY!<br />
Yeah. Like that. Anyhow, I got myself a podcast. Actually I got myself a whole bunch of them, but this one in particular from <a href="http://www.meditationoasis.com/" target="_blank">Meditation Oasis</a> just simply looked like the simplest and most basic place to start. So today, that's what I went with. Her voice was soothing, and yet every time I felt like my mind would start to drift into the ether, her voice would bring me right back into my body. Happily they have a 2nd track that is just music. I'm going to work my way up to that. The one I downloaded from iTunes was called, "Deep Rest Guided Meditation" by Mary and Richard Maddux. (February 26, 2009)<br />
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To start, I couldn't stop thinking about everything. Things I don't normally think about popped into my head as soon as I tried to clear my mind. Things like, "What really is the optimal place to put the cats' litter box?", "Should I go pee before I meditate?", and "Should I be breathing with my mouth closed or open?" (until she said it matters not if my mouth is now hanging open all slack jawed and drooly) <--- well she didn't say THAT but she did say it doesn't matter. So once I got past the anxiety of are my arms and legs and head and stuff all in the right spot and am I breathing the way I'm supposed to breathe for meditation and am I wearing the right clothing? Once I got past all that, something amazing happened... I really did start to feel like I was drifting off into the ether. Her voice would bring me back and I'd start the cycle over, but she said things that put me way more at ease with the whole thing AND she gave me some insight to something that had been bothering me for awhile, but we'll get to that later. So I would drift in and out of feeling floaty and coming back to myself and feeling floaty again. My mind happily relinquished control, but my body was a completely different story. I was finally able to get my jaw to relax, which explains why I get so many headaches. Apparently I grind my teeth a lot when I'm anxious...<br />
I finally got myself into a relaxed state, and then my body just decided that it wasn't ready to let go. Muscle twitches and itches and is that a hair or a bug crawling on me? Those things seemed to explode out of nowhere. Legs felt like they would jerk uncontrollably if I didn't move them and body parts wanted to suddenly erupt in pain for no reason. It was kind of strange, really. Obviously my body did NOT want to let go of the stress and be relaxed. It was at this point that I realized that I'm going to give this a <b><i>real </i></b>go. Not a one time thing where I've decided that was pointless so forget it. My body betrayed itself to me and now I must defeat the stress monster. So, definitely going to do this before bed at night, and if I'm up early enough (which generally I am) then I will be doing this in the morning as well.<br />
Oh yeah, the insight? At one point she talks about any emotion being present, let it be present. Feel it, know you can't change it, and continue on with your deep relaxation. I have always tried to force myself to change my mood when it isn't where I feel it should be. So when I'm sad, I always try to force the happiness. It seems to me that I've taken the opposite approach to what I should have done all along. I think the next time I feel sad, I'll have myself a good cry, take a shower, maybe pamper myself a little with a good sugar scrub or something (because a good sugar scrub can be made from stuff you have in your cabinet and just feels good when you're all done) maybe put on some of this awesome relaxing music, and let my brain drift off into the ether, and then see where that takes me. Definitely worth a try.<br />
So Meditation? Yup, I'm going to keep trying it until my body decides to give up the fight against it. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-223513932655089545.post-30788928745697335032013-07-26T07:39:00.001-07:002013-07-26T07:39:48.703-07:00Awaken!After some thoughtful reflection over the past 2 years, I realized that I had some things that I needed to change in myself in order to cope with the reality of my situation. I have always been one to promote positive thinking and letting go of the small things, yet I was still plagued by stress, anxiety, and negative feelings. Many things I was able to address via talk therapy and some changes in my approach to certain topics, and yet I found that there were some things that still plagued me. Now, I'm trying a few more things that make sense, but I never managed to put into practice. This is my journey. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00655938132989470531noreply@blogger.com0